Zombie Mode

Ok, ok, dont get all crazy on me. Especially with the recent headlines in the news. Zombie mode doesnt mean I've resorted to cannabilism(spelling?) or the killing of humans. In fact, those recent news stories have made me sick to my stomach. It is simply the mode I operate in whilst working nights. For example, I worked last night 7p-7am. Today at 1015 am I had a hair appointment at 1015-my hair stylist works very limited hours. On top of that she is an hour away. But I rescheduled this appointment once already d didn't feel comfortable rescheduling again. So my husband drove us, I ddin't sleep and we got the hair done. However, my sister is in town from Denver and they all wanted to grill out tonight as well. I made it to that, and about 6:30pm I said we need to go, I am exhausted. We came home and went to the neighbor's house. Just to hang out. He has a toy car collection that woud rival even the most serious Tonka enthusiast. Sawyer was playing with the cars and having a great time. And thats when things get fuzzy. Apparently at 830pm I said-"I'm going to run home real quick." I never came back. I woke up an hour ago- 1230 am in bed, with all my clothes on, teeth obviously unbrushed(yuck). The scary part is, I dont even remember laying down, or deciding, "hey I think i'll go to sleep now". I woke up completely disoriented and went and found my husband, and he filled me in. Is this what my life has become? I feel like I spend so many days off like this-no way to live by the way. I'm currently actively pursuing a day job, but I am taking a Chemistry class in July-September that requires me to go Mon, Tues, and Weds from 1-3 pm so more than likely I will be on nights at least through September. Bummer. I get exhausted from living my life like this. I wish there was a better solution, but right now I have none.

Anxiety and sleepless nights

I haven't wrote on here forever. In fact, I haven't done anything much lately. I haven't gone to the gym since April, and that was something I really liked. It seems pointless now though. I was doing a bootcamp, and really wasn't seeing results. I used to be able to eat a pretty healthy diet, but now with a 19 month old that seems impossible. We are always rushed, or I can't get to the store, etc. etc. That is probably why i'm not seeing results, so it seems futile to keep working so hard at it. Lately all I do is sleep. Over the last couple months it has become impossible to get out of bed unless I have a very good reason. Like I have to go to work or get up with Sawyer. If my husband is home I will just stay in bed all day. My body feels worn out and exhausted 24/7. I have determined that I need to get a day job, but I don't know how soon that will happen. I am just actively looking in the meantime. I feel disconnected from everyone else. Certain things are bothering me alot. The news for one. I can't help but think what a horrible world I have brought my little boy into. I know that it's pointless to think this way, and I need to go on with my life, but it causes me alot of anxiety. I am working hard on figuring out how to make myself better. I just feel like it's hard on my son to live with me like this. I just keep hoping Summer will bring better days-Sawyer is ready for the sun.