Easter and Illness

It's been awhile since I blogged, life has been hectic this Spring. We spent Easter at our church attending an excellent service with my husband's dad and stepmom. When I was younger I went to church regularly, but then as a teenager I kind of dropped off the church circuit. Sundays were for sleeping in, and church really wasn't "cool." We also went to a church that highly emphasized rules. Such as you couldn't listen to anything but Christian music. In fact the Bob Dylan song 'Blowin in the Wind' was satanic because it was saying the answer was blowing in the wind and not God. Silly in my opinion. We started attending an RCA(Reformed Church of America) in October and we love it! Everyone is friendly, and for the most part we believe in what they stand for. Anyhow, I worked the night before Easter so after church I took a nap until 4pm. We spent the rest of the evening with my parents and Sawyer eating a home cooked Easter dinner. Then Sawyer got sick.........again. Wednesday morning he seemed sleepier than usual and felt a little warm. I had a hard time sleeping Tuesday night(compliments of my night shift job)so I fully took advantage of Sawyer's sleepiness and slept with him. He woke up around 12:30pm and was super sweaty and really felt hot. I took a temperature and it was 103.8. We recently switched pediatricians which is a story for a different day, but I called up his office fully expecting they would want us to come in. They didn't however, they were comfortable just waiting it out. His temperature got to 104 but we have been alternating Tylenol and Ibuprofen to keep it down. He's been moody to say the least. Neither of us have gotten much sleep. But I guess that's what it's like to have kid(s), you never sleep. I used to think I had so much to do when I was single and childless, and my life was so hectic, and stressful. I. was. dead. wrong. My life was simple then, I worked night shift but no one cared if I stayed up until 5am everynight, and slept in until 3:30pm everyday. Nobody was waking me up at 7:30 am. I didn't have to find a babysitter to go out at night. If I stayed at the bar with my friends until 2am, there was no one to wake me up screaming and crying the next morning. I could go to Target without having to lug a toddler into my car, strap him in, and then cause a scene so we had to leave once we got there anyways. I didn't have to feel guilty about spending $300 on clothes and shoes-it was my money anyhow. Still, I wouldn't change it for anything. Sawyer is the love of my life, and has added meaning to my life. He has taught me the meaning of unconditional love. That is what being a mom is all about. Sometimes I wish I could wash my hair everyday without Sawyer trying to crawl in the shower with me, and do my hair without him running his walker into my legs screaming "POW!" the whole time. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep in. Sometimes I just want to be alone. I'm sure in 18 years I will look back and wish he could just be small again. That we could just snuggle some more, even if it meant I had to get up at 3am to do it. So for now I'm just going to enjoy these moments as much as I can because they won't last forever.

Rotating Shifts

I haven't blogge din a long time. Me and my husband had a cold weeks ago if you remember. We have been feeling extremely fatigued since then. I can chalk mine up to night shift, his is probably a lack of exercise and poor diet. However, it's hard to ignore that it all started after our "colds". It's been making me feel like an inadequate mother. On my days off with Sawyer i'm so tired I just turn on the TV and fall asleep. I contemplate drinking coffee, but even going to brew a pot seems like too much work. It's not fair to him, he needs interaction and time outside. I just read an article where a mom talked about how she always imagined the type of mom she would be, and that she constantly feels like she falls short now. Thats definitely me. She said that everyday was a new day, there is always tomorrow. For me tomorrow comes and I continue to fall short. I had an opportunity to go to rotating shifts. That would have mean I would work 6 weeks of nights, and then 6 weeks of days. I ultimately turned it down because I felt like I would take at least 3 weeks to get used to a day schedule, and then I'd have to turn around and get used to a night schedule again. I don't know if it was the right thing to do or not. I would love to just find a straight day job. I keep looking but so far nothing. I just wish I could be one of those amazing moms who gets up early and finds the time to cook and clean, AND play with their kid(s). Unfortunately right now I cant. I workout nearly everyday. I eat pretty well. I don't know what else I can do.

No pain, no gain

I haven't wrote anything for a while. I guess that's because of a couple of things. 1. I can't put The Hunger Games down. A couple of girls from work want to go see the movie tomorrow night, so I have to finish it by then! Even so, I may not go tomorrow night as they are not going until the 9:45pm viewing and the movie is 2 and a half hours long!! I have a baby who gets up at 7:30am! 2. There really hasn't been anything in my life worth mentioning. It just kind of feels monotonous and unchanging right now. I'm working hard on making it to the gym 5 days a week. So far this week I made it today, so Tues, Weds, Thurs, and Friday left to go! I've got 4 lbs left until my pre-pregnancy weight, and then 5 lbs after that to my pre-marriage weight. 5 lbs after that and I will be at my goal! If I lost 2 lbs per week I could almost be there by May. I dread the workouts but they are really not that bad. As long as I get myself to the gym, then i'm good, it's the whole getting to the gym. Tomorrow morning a friend from work wants to go at 8:30am. This means I will have to take Sawyer to the daycare there. All the other girls from work take their kids there and have no complaints. It's only an hour. Even so, I hate to have to take him there. I think it will help me stay up during the day if I get a workout in right away though. If thats the case then it might be better for him to go there for an hour in the morning so he can have an attentive mother throughout the day. We will see how this goes!

Rain and Gloom

Today was a bummer of a day. It was cold and rainy, and I got nothing accomplished. I couldn't stay awake all day, and so Sawyer watched a lot of TV. Im not proud of it, but my body can only do so much. And right now my body is rebelling against night shift. Or at least the fact that I stay up all night 3 days a week, and then try to switch to a day schedule for the remaining four days. I feel like it's imperative that I find a day job for my sake, and for my son's sake. Unfortunately there are not a lot of options out there right now. Especially for day shift. We have excellent health insurance at the hospital I work at, plus Sawyer just started the daycare there. I feel like i'm trapped. Not to mention that a day job would probably be a significant pay cut. At this point I would take the pay cut, but I can't bring myself to switch Sawyer's childcare again, especially since he seems to love it there. My other biggest obstacle right now is Sawyer's eating habits. He is already small for his age. The 18 month clothes start at 22 lbs and Sawyer is only 20. He refuses almost anything they give him at daycare. Then he comes home starving and completely inconsolable. For us he refuses all fruit and veggies. He will eat PB and J, grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, and most pastas. Oh and waffles. Not exactly a healthy diet. If you don't give him what he wants he screams, and cries and throws his food on the floor. He will go to bed hungry. He needs to eat, yet I don't think we should have to make something separate for him every night. I don't know how to get him to stop being so picky. I've read all the stuff about hiding pureed veggies and whatnot. Two reasons I don't like that: 1. you're still not getting them to like fruits and veggies, you're just tricking them into eating them, and 2. I already hardly have time to make dinner, add cooking and pureeing veggies to that and well, I just dont have the time. I wish I could come up with some solutions to these problems, but add to them my extreme exhaustion and I just am at a loss. Hoping for a better week after today.

Spring Fever

I've got spring fever lately! All I can think about are things and events i want to go to, like baseball games and concerts. I can't wait unitl the pools open and I can take Sawyer swimming. It's so exciting to be able to leave the house without having to get a 1 and a half year old in multiple layers, a hat and mittens. Sawyer is excited as well! He just learned how to say "side", and he stands at the door and says it. He's just as sick of being inside as me. The next two days are supposed to be wet and rainy again though so we will be forced back inside. It also reminds me of all the extra work I have now. The lawn will need mowed soon, there will be yardwork.....................yuck. And tornadoes. I am deathly afraid of tornadoes. I once crawled into a bathtub with a cat and a mattress over us when the sirens went off. The cat did not approve. One year we had a tornado at 2:45 am. It stopped a few blocks short of my apartment..I was at work, in a Children's hospital. I had to sit in a bathroom with an oxygen tank and a 2 year old until it was all clear. A couple days later there was another one and I had to sit in the basement hallway of my apartment and listen to the hail pound the front door. I'm hoping for a mild storm season, although they are predicting a bad one. I love a good thunderstorm though. Just as long as it doesn't produce tornadoes. I'll take all of the bad things about spring if it means I can spend 90% of my time outdoors though. Theres just something about sitting in the sun that makes me feel peaceful and happy.

Somewhere Tropical

I think I need a vacation. I cant get the beach off my mind. Last night I researched houses in Encinitas, CA(a suburb of San Diego). My favorite house was 3,000,000 and some odd thousands of dollars. On the beach, with an outdoor fireplace. The only problem? I don't think I will ever see that much money in my life. I could swing something closer to $120,000. I would also be far, far away from my family if I moved to California. So maybe a vacaton is in order. Me and my husband went to Jamaica 3 years ago. It. was. awesome. We drank fancy drinks on the beach, lounged in hammocks, and swam with dolphins. Only thing is I don't think we could afford that trip right now. I don't know if anyone else is planning a vacation this summer but if you have looked up plane tickets..................the prices are outrageous. I would love to just go to even Florida, or New Orleans. Tickets for me and husband would cost somewhere around $600-800. We will probably just end up not going on vacation. I wish I could figure out a cheap way to get somewhere with palm trees. I feel like we really need to get away.

Is it not a beautiful house?

Just an Ordinary Mom

I'm very excited to try out this Hearts at Home blog hop! Hearts at Home is a group I actually discovered on Google. I'm an RN and they always have conferences for nurses. I started thinking, I would really be interested in a conference for mom's-thats my biggest passion in life, even if it's my toughest role in life. Anyhow, I found Hearts at Home which is a Christian based group of mothers. They hold conferences, and they have a blog and books, etc. Michelle Duggar is one of their main speakers for the 2012 conferences. I love her. I know everyone has their own opinion on her, she's too old to keep having kids, they have way too many, etc. I'm impressed by her and her ability to mother all 19 of her kids. I also feel that if she wasn't meant to have more kids then she wouldn't be getting pregnant anymore. Who are we to judge? So naturally I thought, "I have to go to one of these conferences!" Well, the national conference is in Normal, IL and next weekend I believe, so that was a little too soon for me. Plus thats a good 8 hour drive. There is one in November in Rochester, MN which is a 6 hour drive I believe. Then there is one in Colorado Springs, CO in October. Bingo! My sister lives in Denver and we have never been to see her home or anything. This one is still an 8 hour drive, but we can stay with her, and we can also stop at my husband's dad's house as it is on the way up. I'm excited to go talk to other mom's about their struggles, and also learn about ways I can do better for my family. The topic for this month's blog hop is "We All Have Days When We Fell Like Just an Ordinary Mom-if you could have any super power to help you with your mothering, what would it be?

I put a lot of thought into this. There are lots of super powers I would love to have. Invulnerability would be excellent, nothing could hurt me. I could take on the world without a care. The power to change objects, I could have anything I needed within seconds. Forgot a diaper? No problem, I will just change that rock into a diaper. X-ray vision, I could see what my son was up to, good or bad without leaving the couch. If I have to pick one though, and I do, then I guess I would choose telepathy. It would give me the ability to know why my son is throwing a fit, or feeling down and then I could fix it. Me and my husband could have a disagreement without my son ever knowing, we could do it silently. I could anticipate every need before it ever even came up. This seems kind of trivial I guess, but I have a type A personality. I like to keep a structure and schedule, and know what is coming my way. I hate surprises. In fact I hate getting gifts if I don't know what they are ahead of time. Yep, just not into surprises. It's a no brainer then that this would be the one super power I would want. Unfortunately I am just ordinary. I can't control everything. I have no idea what my son wants when he's crying at times. Some days I can hardly get dinner on the table let alone save the world. I know that it's ok though. As long as I give being a mom all that I have got than I have succeeded. Quite honestly, even though i'm just an ordinary mom, i'm still super to my family. I work full time, make dinner 5 nights a week, clean, do the grocery shopping, spend time with my son, and make sure everyone makes all their appointments and obligations. I don't even know if the most seasoned super hero could handle all that. Even without a super power, im still a pretty super mom.